Groskettes vs Laytonites
by The Mocking J
Summary: Thanks to his new colleague, Detective Bloom finds himself in the middle of a fan club war... Oh look, there's another fan club meeting!
1. Chapter 1

**[[**_**Written for the May-July prompt ("Emotions run wild") of the **_**Groskettes**_** club on Deviantart. This is more of a humorous fic than a romantic one, which is shame cause I really like Bloom/Hannah. **_

**Spoilers: **_**For Azran Legacy, but just regarding Bloom, Targent and maybe Inspector Grosky? Oh, and Unwound Future. The description is even kinda spoiler-y. Sorry.**_

**Set: **_**After AL and the episode "Bloom at Large". **_**]]**

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**Groskettes vs. Laytonites**

Detective Bloom didn't want to be here.

He would much prefer being back in prison or having his head on Targent's chopping black. According to his sources, Targent had improved since the 'honourable' Swift took over, but Bloom's choice to join the British intelligence services was unforgivable. Bloom had been branded a traitor. Well, a bigger traitor than he'd been before. Now he had to be constantly on guard, as did his colleague...

They made the most the most unlikely duo: he an ex-Targent mole, she a refined fashionista with uncontrollable passions. She was raucous, disordered, airheaded, obsessive, petty... (The list went on.) Yet, she also possessed a burning determination to follow tasks through to the bitter end. For this Bloom had to admire her, reconsidering his initial plans to abandon her and their newly formed detective agency.

But then Hannah had made him attend this... this debate, as she'd called it. The term 'debate' suggested a formal discussion between two opposing sides...

"INSPECTOR GROSKY IS THE _REAL_ HERO!"

"PROFESSOR LAYTON WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST!"

"SHUT UP, _CHEST LICKER-!"_

...This was not a debate.

Admirers of Inspector Grosky and Professor Layton screamed at each other from opposite ends of the room. Much to Bloom's horror, Hannah had decided their office would be the perfect meeting place for her 'Groskettes' fan club, which had grown in membership since Grosky had gotten promoted. Today Hannah had invited the 'Laytonites'— a slightly larger group consisting mostly of girls from the professor's archaeology class— to settle once and for all who was the true champion.

To say emotions were running wild was an understatement. Bloom face palmed as Hannah adjusted a microphone on her desk-made-podium.

"Order! Order! We do not use language such as _that_," Hannah shot a glare at the Laytonite who had thrown the 'Chest Licker' insult. "I now invite to the stand the Laytonites' president, Rosetta Stone to share her praise for Professor Layton."

A glamorous ginger haired woman stood up and snatched the microphone. She started pouring her heart out about 'Professor L', regaling how he'd solved so many mysteries, saved countless people, towns and the entire _world. _

"Inspector Grosky helped Layton _a lot _during those cases," one Groskette pointed out.

"But most of the time he just _screws up," _Rosetta argued. "He should butt out and leave all the crime solving to Professor L."

"_Oh really? _I thought the professor was too busy getting distracted by _puzzles _to care_—!"_

Rosetta retorted, "You're just jealous 'cause he's, like, way smarter than Inspector Idiot—"

"If he's so _smart, _what makes you think Layton would fall for a dumb bimbo like _you_?"

_Ouch._ Bloom barely suppressed a wince as Rosetta leapt at the offender, screeching like a pterodactyl. The Laytonites struggled to compose their rabid president.

"Miss Stone, that's _enough_—!" Hannah's protests went ignored when the fan clubs broke out into scuffles.

Through the commotion, a girl wearing a blue jacket, brown shorts and blue knee length socks snuck up to the podium. "E-excuse me!"

The Groskettes and the Laytonites turned to the stranger in confusion. Hannah said, "I've never seen you before, so are you a Laytonite...?"

The girl in blue shook her head. "I'm neither Groskette nor Laytonite. Please can we just take a moment to talk about how perfect _Clive Dove _is?"

She even had Bloom's contemplation now. "The terrorist who tried to level London...?"

Beaming, she nodded eagerly. "I know he was insane and evil for a while, but he really has got a good heart, and he's quite handsome, and I feel that if he just had someone to love him—"

"I think you're in the wrong office, sweetie," Hannah interrupted. "There's a Clive vs. Randall meeting just down the hall..."

"But don't you think that Clivey is just a poor, tortured soul—?"

"_GET OUT!"_ The Groskettes and the Laytonites yelled together. The Clive fangirl burst into tears and scurried away.

A Grosky-lover muttered, "Talk about _obsessed_."

"I know, right?" Rosetta agreed.

The fan clubs immediately continued feuding over Grosky and Layton.

"Order," Hannah tried to raise her voice._ "Order everyone!"_

Wielding a razor, one Laytonite declared, "We should hunt down Inspector Grosky and _shave his chest hair!" _

"OH _HELL NO!" _Hannah shouted. All dignity abandoned, she also dived into the fray.

They were completely out of control. Bloom had had enough.

Suddenly, there was a high pitched sound from the microphone. The fans stopped fighting to cover their ears.

"Like, what the hell?" Rosetta growled when they all saw Bloom holding the microphone. "Are you trying to _deafen us _or something?"

Hannah snapped, "Yeah! _What the hell, Bloom?"_

"Silence, all of you," Bloom commanded; his quiet confidence and decorum captured the entire room's attention. "I equally despise Professor Layton and Inspector Grosky, but I can clearly see they are _both _skilled investigators in their own right. Layton possesses keen intelligence, yet he lacks Grosky's strength—"

"Don't forget Grosky's _abs of steel!_"

Bloom rolled his eyes. "Thank you, _Hannah... _My point is your squabbling is a waste of time, effort and oxygen. You should all just shake hands and respect each other's opinions."

A Laytonite cocked his head to side as if he'd never heard of such a concept. "Res-pect?"

"Yes, _respect. _Meeting adjourned. Now clear out of my office, the lot of you."

Grudgingly, the Groskettes and the Laytonites muttered half-hearted apologises to each other and filed out of the office. The fan clubs had come to a truce– at least for the time being. Though, surely it wouldn't be long before they resumed squabbling over a trivial something. Like whether Layton had more style than Grosky, or who was more athletic, or who had better shaped buttocks...

Hannah fixed her hat (That Rosetta girl had nearly dented it!) and sighed to Bloom, "I apologise, I never imagined things would get so out of hand..." She shuddered. "It's lucky we didn't get on to the subject of _shipping._"

"I don't even want to know what that is," Bloom replied apathetically as he sat at his desk, sorting through paperwork. "Hopefully in future you won't hold your deranged fan club meetings _here."_

"It's a shame— you would make a great orator for the Groskettes..." Hannah clasped her hands under her chin. "Did you really mean what you said about _Grosky's strength_?"

"No."


	2. Chapter 2

**[[**_**The previous chapter may have required a little creative thinking, but this is probably crack. Enjoy! **_

**Disclaimer: **_**Do not own any dialogue or characters mentioned. **_

**Spoilers: **_**For Unwound Future and Miracle Mask.**_**]]**

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**Clive vs. Randall**

Still snivelling, the Clive fangirl (her name was Suzie, but it's not like anyone cared) sulked down the corridor. How could those mean Groskettes and Laytonites dismiss her so..._meanly? _All she wished was to confess her love for her darling Clive. Deep in her purest heart, Suzie believed she deserved this single pleasure at the very least. The whole sixteen years of her life had been nothing but a series of unfortunate tragedies:

_To start, both her parents had died in a freak accident involving a stampeding ostrich that escaped from the London Zoo. Suzie had only been a newborn baby at the time yet she vividly remembered staring at her parents' trampled bodies in horror and her (unnamed) mother clutching her tiny hand. In the longest last breath ever, her mother bid her farewell. "Goodbye, my angel. Your daddy and I love you so very, very much. We're sorry we couldn't be there for you... It's going to be hard, but I know you'll stay strong because you're such a special snowflake. You'll grow up into a beautiful, brave, smart young woman and win the heart of a handsome terrorist and convert him to goodness, saving London..." She released a painful cough and her bright cerulean blue eyes fluttered shut. _

_Tears welled in baby Suzie's own teal blue eyes (she had inherited her mother's irises, but they had the tendency of changing colour) as she wept over their corpses, vowing, "I will, Mother. I will." _

_Following this bereavement, the young orphan survived by scrounging on the streets... _

But the rest of this tragic back-story would have to wait, for the fan girl had reached another office with a sign written on the door: "Xx _Clive vs. Randall Club 3 xX". _

"This must be the place," Suzie stated the obvious, tentatively raising her hand to knock.

A voice chimed, "Come in!" and she poked her head inside. She was greeted by people either dressed in Clive Dove cosplay similar to her or others wearing purple tops, square rimmed glasses and orange ascots. (Some had even dyed their hair ginger.) Unlike the Groskettes and the Laytonites these two groups sat together in tranquillity, sharing tables, chatting excitedly and exchanging fanworks.

One girl, who had a blue cap balanced on her beehive-like hair, leapt to her feet when Suzie entered. "Welcome, fellow Clive aficionado! I'm Puzzlette! What's your name...?"

"S-Suize..." Suzie mumbled. She glanced warily at the ascot-wearers, even though they were smiling at her. "W-who are they?"

Puzzlette shook her head. "There is no _they_, Suzie, only _we_. Today _we _Clive Dove fans and Randall Ascot fans have united to celebrate two very special guys."

Suzie wondered, "Then what's with the 'vs' on the sign?"

"It sounds catchy," said Puzzlette. "And it attracts more fans— everyone enjoys a good competition."

"It's kind of misleading..."

A red haired fan boy shrugged. "Hey, it worked for _Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright_—"

"Shush shush shush shush shusssssssh!" Puzzlette put a finger to his lip. "That's enough breaking the Fourth Wall already! Let's get on with the meeting..."

Suzie took a seat as Puzzlette turned on a TV and inserted a DVD. Popcorn, soda and 3D glasses were divided between everyone. The fans squealed in delight as back-to-back films featuring Clive and Randall began to play:

"_It's good to finally meet you, Professor... Or rather, I suppose I should say it's nice to see you again."_

"_I win again, Hershel. Guess that means you'll be going with me tonight." _

Suzie stared at the screen in awe, drooling at the part when Clive removed his Future-Luke cap and proceeded to kidnap Flora. (Oh why couldn't that be _her _in Clive's arms_?_) "Where did you get these clips?" She breathed to Puzzlette.

Puzzlette just tapped her nose. "That's a _secret_!" (It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she and her granny had super stalker tendencies.)

There were multiple groans of dismay when the film finished. "Don't worry," Puzzlette assured her companions. "It's not over yet!" The others returned their gazes to the screen, gasping when they saw a new scene of Clive sitting behind a glass window in jail.

Clive had his eyebrows raised at the person videoing him. "How did you get in here? I don't think you're allowed to interview me like this..."

They heard Puzzlette's chipper reply, "It doesn't matter. Say hi to your adoring fans, Clive!"

"Hi," Clive addressed his 'adoring fans' flatly. "Look, I appreciate the numerous gifts and letters you've sent me—"

"You mean _fan mail!"_

"—_Fan mail_," the handsome convict corrected with a sigh. "But it's starting to get out of hand. I can't reply to every single one of you, so let me make this clear: _No _I probably won't be released from prison any time soon. _No_ you may not kill Bill Hawks or destroy London in my name. And most importantly _no _I will not accept any of your marriage proposals or... make children with you. That would be pretty impossible considering, once again, I am in _prison." _

Puzzlette sounded sympathetic. "We're all here for you, Clive. We understand how much you want to atone for your crimes."

"Yes, well, I'm glad you realise what I did was terribly wrong and that prevents me from being with you. I'm not the saint you believe I am."

A Clive fan wiped a tear from her eye. "He's so humble."

"Are you quite finished now?" Clive demanded to his interviewer. "I have a cell I'd like to return to."

Puzzlette pleaded, "Oh, just a few more minutes..."

"GUARDS!" Clive suddenly yelled. "There's a _girl _in here. You'd better remove her before I _kill _her!"

"W-wait!" Puzzlette protested as she was dragged out of the prison 'for her own protection'. The film ended there. Both fan clubs gave Puzzlette a standing ovation, exclaiming:

"That was _AMAZING!" _

"I can't believe you got so close to Clive— and _spoke_ to him too!"

"You're sooo lucky!"

"Did you manage to get an interview with_ Randall_ too?" A Randall fan asked hopefully.

"I've got something even better," Puzzlette announced, standing up to open the door with a flourish. "A visit from Randall _himself_!" Several fans screamed or swooned as the real Randall Ascot arrived.

"Hey," the redhead grinned, prompting some more of his admirers to faint. Less than a second later, he was consumed by the still-conscious fans. They bombarded him with hundred of questions and begged him to sign their tops, their posters, their fan art...

"Randall, do you prefer your hair _long_ or _short? _I thought it looked sexier long._" _

Randall ran a hand through his hair. "Henry helped me cut it a little while ago, but I'm considering growing it out again..."

A girl waved a flag with Randall's face on it. "Will you sign my flag? _Pretty please?"_

"Sure!"

"Why do you wear glasses if you can see without them? Not that they don't suit you, just curious."

"They're inspired by a famous archaeologist," Randall explained, adjusting his glasses. But before he could go off on an archaeology rant, another fan interrupted him.

"So, Randall, is there anyone _special _in your life at the moment...?"

Randall pursed his lips. "Now that you mention it..." (The fans leaned in eagerly.) "Nope, sorry, it must have slipped my mind. My memory isn't the best, you know."

One fan muttered, "Tease."

Eventually Puzzlette intervened before Randall's ego could burst from the excess praise he was receiving. "All right, everybody. I think we've taken enough of Randall's time now. Hope to see you soon, soon, soon, Randall!" She shoved him out of the room— it was a miracle his ego fit through the door— much to the Randall fans' disappointment.

"Clive had way more screen time!" An ascot-wearer complained.

"Just be thankful that you actually got to _meet _Randall," Puzzlette told them. "As a fan club, we have to be appreciative of _different characters_, even if they aren't our favourites."

"Now I can't decide whether Clive or Randall is my favourite," Suzie moaned. She'd been so blown away by Randall, but she couldn't bear to betray Clive...

Puzzlette beamed at her. "Well, what's wrong with liking them _both_? They're both cute, they've both been evil but strive to atone, and they both have sexy voices! Sure, they have their flaws, but what's not to love about them?"

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**[[**_**As you can see, I've kept the headcanon that Puzzlette stalks Clive :D**_**]]**


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